


Afterword

by LazlosLulls



Series: You and me could write a bad romance [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crying, Dom/sub, F/M, Forgiveness, Healthy Relationships, Kink Negotiation, Late night talks, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Shiro is projecting on his and Allura's OCs...this is Too Meta, literally happens the same night as the last fic, shiro deserves healing, shiro has control problems, vague ish descriptions of rape, wow they are both horrifically lucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 10:41:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19944832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazlosLulls/pseuds/LazlosLulls
Summary: Allura was up late thinking about their frivolous roleplaying. She shouldn’t, it was for fun, after all, but something about her husband's behavior still intrigued her. That leads to a terrifying revelation, one that Shiro hoped he would never have to talk about.(It all started as a PWP...and then I thought about it too hard. Nobody asked, but you know the headcanon that Shiro was raped while he was a prisoner that I keep bringing up in fics? Usually for one or two sentences? There’s a confirmation in here.)





	Afterword

**Afterword**

Allura heard Shiro rumble, “Goodnight, my love.” as she drifted into a restful sleep.

Later in the night cycle, she found herself coming awake. This wasn’t unusual, some of her dreams made her restless. Shiro would join her, if she woke him. He was still dormant, face relaxed and calm. Her thoughts drifted over to his confession earlier that night.

She knows when they started being intimate, he was cautious. Always watching her, as if in one wrong move she would be hurt. It was more comfortable for both of them if she took over. As a woman knowledgeable about her own likes in sexual matters, she had no problem. He eventually became more confidant, to where it evened out who led and who followed.

It should have translated over to their sex games, her being dominant, him being submissive, yet...it seemed to be the reverse. It was a relief, to be pushed and pulled the way he deemed fit. There was a thrill in the uncertainty, to be swept under the intense feelings he brought to her body.

Could there be something Shiro was enjoying? Allura asked herself as she turned away, fluffing her pillow.

Her husband always made these sly little comments as the Champion. There was something authentic to his words, if remembering them from somewhere else. Could have been some tasteless porn, yet he didn’t seem the type. He never corrected her when she guessed the Champion had other alien lovers before the Princess. If it was just his words, she wouldn't be wary. But there were moments, times where he would act without thinking. Where his eyes would be unfocused, thinking of something else. They were few and far between, but always triggered by a loss of control.

He spoke something to that effect earlier. _"A lot of things have been out of my control for so long, it's great that you trust me with controlling you.”_

He was fine when they were Shiro and Allura, but when the fantasies come into play, he’s always the one in command. Well, aside from once, she amended. And even then, he corrected it immediately after. When was the last time he wasn’t in control? Her fists clenched involuntarily. Even in bed, safe and warm, a slimy feeling crept into her stomach. The dark year he was a prisoner in the Arena.

She remembered the rumors, after they had announced to marry. A horrid series of videos had surfaced, gladiators and guards doing unspeakable things to each other. Some had Sendak and other Galran generals long dead, using their power over the prisoners for their own pleasure. More than one had featured the Champion.

Shiro denied all of it, citing an older human slandering technique. Faking videos of obscene acts to ruin reputations. Even if it was real or faked, it was fully disrespectful to the prisoners, for their abuse to be sensationalized. Every copy they could find they either erased or corrupted.

Still, she was curious. He spoke so little about when he was a prisoner, and she was reluctant to pry. Allura could only make herself watch one video. Sendak had what looked to be the Champion, bent over and whimpering. Then the Galra made a sudden violent shove, compounded with a bite to his shoulder. The victim had a heart-splitting shout, and she couldn't watch further.

Her eyes snapped open, fingers twitching. That spot on his shoulder was familiar. Every hair on her body was standing on end. She sat up, holding her breath. The light was low, but she could see enough.

Shiro was lying behind her, sleeping soundly. He wore loose-fitting shirts to bed nowadays, and she easily slid the collar aside.

There it was.

A series of punctures, in a row, mirrored on the other side. She wouldn’t have noticed before looking for it; it was layered under other injuries. Now it stood out like a brand. And she supposed that's what it was, a brand, a mark of ownership.

Allura recoiled, as if stung. The curious hand she used flew to her mouth, covering her gasp. It was true. He’d been hurt, in one of the most brutal ways possible. She slid away, not wanting to disturb him. Allura’s eyes started to burn, mind racing with the implications. He lied, but it was fine, she wasn’t owed the full scope of his trauma. He trusted her with enough about his time in the Arena, when his nightmares got the worst of him. They made rules about it. Contracts, even, like for their roleplay. She gasped into her fingers.

Their roleplay from earlier came back to her in full focus. She felt another tightening of her gut. Champion, enjoying the Princess’s body even though it was closed off, forcefully making her react. They were mocking the very hurt he suffered, playing at it like it was a vague concept. But it was very real. She made him become his aggressor, the cause of his pain. Of course he let her, he could never say no to her.

"'Lura?" Shiro’s voice was groggy. Her movements had woken him up. He quickly lit the bedside lamp to a soft glow. Shiro cast his eyes to her. “Allura, are you okay?”

Her heart ached; he was always too kind. "I'm sorry, Shiro." She mumbled into her hand. She wrenched it aside. "I'm sorry. I've been thinking." He nods, sitting upright to match her. The prosthetic was on the nightstand, lifeless and empty.

"We should stop playing our games. Becoming the Champion and the Princess. I feel as if I'm taking advantage of you."

His eyebrows came up in confusion, mouth open. Then he recovered, “You’re not. We had a whole conversation about that.” Shiro reached for her hand, taking it in his. “Several. With contracts.” He has trust in their relationship, but she knows their contracts were merely shadows of what Alteans could create.

She shook her head, "You often suffer quietly."

His mouth pursed, suddenly becoming stern. "If I didn't like it, I would have told you. We made a list of things I can’t do to you, and you can’t do to me. I don’t recall any of those rules being broken.”

Allura nodded, recalling their first talks. He has to know she’s being serious. “Takashi.” and he flinched at his name, "I've finally realized what happened to you." Her hand went upward, covering the space on his shoulder.

The reaction was immediate. He froze, then his eyes flashed with panic, "Is this about…"

"The videos. Of what Sendak did. And the others. They're not faked.” his hand covered hers, almost to tug it off, but instead he held it there. Allura waited until his eyes met hers. “I understand why you don’t want to talk about it. But revisiting it, even in fantasy, could harm you.”

He was quiet, for a long time, enough that she was worried he wouldn’t speak. But his eyes soften, before the words came through. “You don’t have to be worried about me, I’ve done enough of that.” His lips turned upward, barely, into a heavy smile. " _I_ was worried about _you_ , at first. I know my fantasies are dark, Allura. I wanted to be the Champion.”

“ _What_?” she gasped, a sudden chill going down her spine, “Why would you ever return to that?”

“Well, in this situation, I’m not the one being raped.” he shrugged, as if to mean it _was_ that simple. Shiro continued, “It’s about regaining control. If I was the one tied up, being used, I don’t think I would be alright. But _because_ I’m the Champion, _because_ I’m in control, I can handle it.”

“Oh.” something occurred to her, “You’re rewriting the story. You’ve been hurt. And they were not kind, not seductive, nor clever with words. They were evil. And took and took, without healing after.”

Shiro nodded, fingers grasping her hand on his shoulder.

Allura continued, still thinking aloud. “When people write their own stories, they create what they want to happen. Champion has his own prisoner, now. But it’s not as uneven as before. The Princess has a voice, a lesser one, but still one he could follow. Because you’ve felt that kind of pain, you can’t bear to hurt her like you’d been hurt. There are punishments, but they follow reason. You stay behind, to be sure she heals.”

His face fell, during her speech, eyes becoming filled with hopeless determination, “Because if she deserves healing, then I deserve healing.” he said, softly. She felt the empty lie he was fighting against. The others told him he deserved to hurt forever. They were so wrong.

“Shh, it’s alright.” she pulled her hand from his shoulder and cupped his cheek. “The Princess was hurt by others too.” She whispered this, like a secret. “The Champion forgave her. Do you want me to forgive you?”

His throat bobbed, and a hitching sob came from his throat. “Yes.”

“You are forgiven, for everything. I love you, no matter what happened to you before I met you.” She pulled him into a hug, resting her chin over the scar. “I love you now, as you are, and I will love you until the stars burn out and beyond that.”

He trembles, for a moment, before wrapping his arm around her. “Thank you.”

They stay like that, for a moment, then settle underneath the covers. Shiro’s scarred arm brushes against her chest, while his other one is cast over her. Allura tucks her head into him, trusting him fully as their bodies tangle.

They drifted into a dreamless night.

-

**Notes:**

Other titles included: Allura and meta-textual analysis or Allura VS Fridge Horror

This entire series started out as a big middle finger to the idea that abused people become their abusers. Shiro can’t abuse people under his power, because he knows what it’s like. And I want to reiterate that being abused didn’t make him a nicer person, it just made him traumatized. Shiro having control issues is something that I wanted to get across as subtext in the other ones. Background motivation and the like. If anyone read the series summary you’d know it already. Then I got to wondering if he ever told Allura that he was using this as a form of therapy. So this ‘epilogue’ was formed.

Just in case it’s not clear, HE WANTS TO FORGIVE HIMSELF. Forgiving his prize and treating her right is a step in forgiving himself for the trauma he went through. I know Shiro is meant to talk about his trauma on his terms. Some parts I made didn’t fit, but...one day Shiro is gonna have his speech and then it’s over for you bitches.

If there’s anything better I could do to portray this kind of trauma, please tell me.


End file.
